A semi-mythical drink accidentally discovered by the IRA. Buckfast is rumoured to have originally been the table wine of an island by the name of Tír na nÓg. However the existence of this land is highly questionable, and publicly declaring that the land is factual has been illegal in the EU since 2007.
Buckfast is now brewed in Buckfast Abbey, Devon. Mass production began there suspiciously soon after the recipe mysteriously vanished from Irish hands in 1982.
It is the drink of choice of NUIG KC members. Due to the high content in potassium glycerophosphates, medically it is believed that after drinking one bottle, the brain’s cortotesterol-3 beta cells become immediately highly dependant on it. If one does then not consume one bottle at least every fortnight, permanent memory loss and colour blindness can occur. After 6 weeks without a bottle, the chances of blindness, impotency, scurvy, and spontaeneous human combustion raise by up to 500%.
Rebellion to the Saxon thievery of its recipe has resulted in Buckfast being available in brown bottles in Ireland as opposed to the English green bottles. The main reason being that brown is the colour of turf, and the Irish love turf.
Also, the vanillin flavouring is not present in the Irish bottles. This is because, as stated by the Aire Sláinte de hEireann of time in his defining and widely quoted speech “We don’t be needin them their women’s flavourin’s, tisn’t a weak drink for weak men we’re after. They do be sippin away at their lattes and cappa- whatever it is they’re called. Tis’ a drop of tae and sippín a’ buckie for us”
and hence vanillin was ommited for Irish orders. The caffeine in the Irish bottle was increased to 55 mg/100ml (as opposed to the 37.5mg/ 100ml of the English bottle). Information released from MI5 due to the freedom of information act has now revealed that this was an attempt to seize control of the country by making the populace criminally insane. The plan failed when for some unknown reason only people from Galway drank it.
NUIGKC highly recommends Buckfast. Obviously we have warned you that once consumed, you can never go back. The cortotesterol-3 beta cells dependency is initiated. This is a perfectly managble health condition however. If Buckfast is not available in your home town, it can be supplied by IV drip in your local health centre. As quoted from the wikipedia page on Buckfast, “Glycerophosphate is used in intravenous drip solutions as a source of phosphate, a biologically important ion”.
All of the above information can be verified on the wikipedia page on Buckfast, however the false English version of it’s history is given, in which the recipe wasn’t stolen. They purport that they pulled the recipe out of thin air or got it from the French or some mad sort of lie like that.
